Just a moment in time…..

I was fixing dinner the other day and my mind was wandering, as it does when I cook - cooking is a very meditative process for me. I thought back to when my kids were young and we were sitting around on a rainy day, taking turns playing Super Mario Bros on Nintendo. It was just a small moment in their young lives. That moment, however, is crystal clear to me. Our voices ringing laughter, their smiling faces, the snacks on the coffee table, the music and sound effects from the game, all a pleasant cacophony of sounds from a moment in time.

We NEVER know what moments in time will be so easily recalled decades later. We never know what moments will define a time of life for us. Our lives are a series of small moments chained together to create days, weeks, months, years. Most of these small moments fade away, not easily recalled. But some, like diamonds, shine brightly and provide unending joy, or indescribable sorrow.

I was talking to one of my sisters the other day about our childhoods on Deer Lake. We were recalling getting to row the old green row boat around the lake alone for the first time. It was a big deal for my sisters and I. We had our big, fat orange life vests strapped on tightly. As we rowed, we looked at the houses and docks along the shore, the strange shapes we could see from our own dock, made clear having rowed so close to them. We felt so grown up in that little boat alone. We didn't know, in that small moment, that the memory would last a lifetime and make us so happy recalling it.

When we come to the end of our lives, really all that will matter is how we treated people, and these small moments in time that take us back to immeasurable joy or, sometimes, sadness and grief. How fortunate that we have them, can relive them, can treasure them. These small moments make us who we are. They are like deposits in our banks of life we can withdraw anytime we need or want to.

Some withdraws hurt, bring up pain and loss, but without those, we would not recognize the joys, the innocent happiness of small moments with those we love.

#norace #humanity #loveeachother

In a time of crisis...

Let’s face it, life is pretty uncertain right now. Most people are frantic and panicking because of uncertainty. We are in uncharted territory with the SARS-Covid 19 virus wreaking havoc worldwide. Many countries are not instituting any precautions, others are on lock-down, and the inconsistency will keep the count of infected rising.

So what can we do when life feels like such a slippery slope and people are hoarding toilet paper? First of all, don’t panic and add to the hysteria. Next…

• Wash your hands and disinfect surfaces

• Don’t touch your face!

• Cover your mouth and nose when you sneeze and your mouth when you cough (with the crook of your elbow)

• When you start feeling panicky, ground yourself (see grounding exercise below)

• Reach out and help someone else, whether it is a kind word or gesture, helping others helps you

• Take care of YOUR little corner of the world. Your ‘stay healthy’ habits will help. If everyone was doing that, we could slow the virus in 2 weeks!

• Stay out of large crowds - not necessarily because you are infected but others may be and may not be practicing safe health recommendations (and you can be sick and not even know it)

• Don’t buy into the hoarding hysteria. A fundamental rule of life is that what we feed into grows. Feed your health, optimism, and safe health practices!

The virus will slow down eventually. The more we ALL practice safe health habits, the sooner that will happen.

When you feel stressed, panicky, or unsettled, try this simple grounding exercise.

1. Sit down in a comfortable spot.

2. Close your eyes.

3. Feel your feet on the ground.

4. Feel your body in the chair.

5. Take in three deep breaths, holding on the inhale, and slowly exhaling.

6. Let go of the stress you are holding in your hands, shoulders, neck, and jaw

7. Listen for ambient sounds around you

8. Take in three more deep breaths slowly

9. Open your eyes

Grounding helps orient you to space and time and gain control of your physical being. It isn’t meant to solve your problems but to calm you down. You can use this with children too. Concentrating on your breathing is a very useful tool.

Take care of yourself and stay healthy!

Grief

Grief isn't a path that you take to get to the other side, it is a box with puzzle pieces in it. Your life is completely disassembled when someone you love dies. Your job is to put it back together and that is never a straight path with little diversions into anger or denial. It is adding one piece back at a time until you have something that is functional. You will never have all the pieces again, your life will never be whole. But when you behold your accomplishment, it will vaguely resemble the life you had with some holes. Those holes will be filled with the love and memories of that person.

Level 57

Soon I will level up to 57…I haven’t posted since my birthday last year. Grief has a funny way of dictating your life - especially when it is fresh, especially when it is a part of you that dies. The void of my son has not been filled and will never be. I have, however, seen small flickers of life coming back - ever so slowly. My life changed dramatically in a split second and the person I knew no longer existed. I have had to rebuild who I am from the ground up. My advantages have been that I already know how to walk and talk, dress and feed myself, but everything else seems to be starting from square one. Some days I fall and retreat, other days I can confront the world and be a part of it. I’m not sure if that part will ever get better or my life will always be like a tide going in and out. Either way, I do choose life every day and in the beginning I wasn’t so sure I would. For any of you still following me after all this time, thank you.

Level 56

Today is my birthday. I've made it to level 56 of life. I'm not a gamer, it just sounds badass to say it that way. I have survived some rocky roads. We've all survived if we've participated in life.

Participating requires you to risk, be vulnerable, get hurt, lose love, lose loved ones, experience disappointment and failure. Participation also means you get joy, love, happiness, wins, success, peace. 

Life is a balance, ying and yang, up and down, feeling in and out. We can avoid all the hurt and pain but then how would we know what joy and love really feel like? There always has to be an opposite for it all to be comprehended.  

I don't mind being 56. Every level is earned, every birthday is fought for, it isn't a gift, I worked to get here, I struggled and I appreciate my struggle, as difficult as it has been.

Lessons Learned in My Grief

As some of you may know, my son died last summer and my life froze. It froze in to an existence of trying to figure out how to navigate the world with out part of me here. I have four amazing children and to lose one is to lose part of my heart and soul. That knee jerk reaction is to jump off a cliff to stop the pain, but the afterthought of that thought is that I'll harm my other kids and I don't have a cell in my body capable of purposely ever harming them....so the cliff idea was thrown out.

Without the cliff idea being viable, my next option was to cry, scream, sleep, eat, and eventually fall in to a routine of going to work and going home...occasionally going out with kids or family to remind myself that there was a life out there, I just had to survive long enough to want to reach out for it. 

Grief looks like many things...it's gaining weight because you don't want to leave your home, it's dust bunnies under the furniture because no one comes over so you don't care (and you don't want anyone coming over anyway), it's pushing back sweet memories because the awful ones often follow, it's that awkward awful moment you tell someone about your child and they shudder in horror thinking that kind of tragedy is hitting too close to home., it's the hundreds of times a day some small thing reminds you of the child you lost and you go back a step, it's the tears you hold back when you are around your other children because you want to be the strong one for them. 

Grief is thousands of other things as well - too many to mention. Buried in that grief are lessons learned - that if you survive long enough, you start to see......here are the one's I've learned so far. 

1. People that love you WILL listen if you tell them....anything
2. Crying will not kill you, neither will a broken heart or soul, it will feel like it but you will get to the other side
3. The other side does not mean you feel less of a loss, or love your lost child any less, it means you are finding a new normal without a piece of you
4. That new normal is like having a phantom limb, it's not there but it's always there...my son is there with me in a thousand ways every day
5. Some things you ignore in your grief get screwed up....like my domain for my blog...it expired and I lost it and had to come up with a new one...but it was fixable and is even better (Thank you GoDaddy)
6. Getting up and getting dressed is a step forward every time you do it (and drink a glass of water)
7. Those who haven't lost a child can't really get your pain but they can care and have empathy - don't discount people willing to reach out and support you. Just because they haven't had your loss doesn't mean they are any less a part of your new normal
8. There will be good days and absolutely horrible days, days where you relive the really bad parts. Gradually the good days will out number the bad, and you will wake up feeling like a human who can smile without guilt
9. When someone says they are sorry for your loss, accept that. Often the only thing people can do is apologize because words fail the loss of a child. They aren't being thoughtless, they are offering what they have to give
10. No one needs to understand your journey to have compassion for it, but surround yourself with people who give you the space to make that journey without questioning what it looks like
11. The profound loss of a child gives you crystal clarity about what is really important and what is really precious in this world. That has been the one gift in losing my son, the clarity

My lessons may not be your lessons, but maybe some of them will be helpful. Just believing things will get better, will bring positive energy to your life and will help...believing costs no energy, it's a turn of a thought in a positive direction. It is possibility.

Hello Again....

After a lengthy hiatus, I am back. For those of you who have remained faithful and hopeful, my deepest gratitude goes out to you. I am getting ready to do a February Self-Care Challenge. If you are interested in joining in, click on the 'challenge' tab at the top and fill in the form. This will be the last time the challenge is free so take advantage of it! Stay tuned for more news on the challenge and some other projects I have in the works. Happy New Year everyone!

Peace...

5 Fundamentals of Being Human

No one is born with an owner's manual to his or her life. We all just sort of make it all up as we go along, pretending like we know what we are doing and that we are actually completely in control. Just ask someone who has been in a car crash where the offending driver was negligent about how much control we really have...

It may surprise you to know that there are some fundamentals to being human, that if you understand them, will make your path in life a wee bit easier or, at the very least, help you understand your path better.

1.  Humans are not wired for a constant emotional expenditure. We are not wired to be constantly stressed out, sad, lonely, fearful, or angry. These kinds of emotions (yes the origin of stress is usually fear, anxiety, or sadness) cause the adrenal system to go in to overdrive. Once your adrenal glands are exhausted, you encounter a whole series of physical and cognitive symptoms. If your mind, heart, and body never get relief from emotional expenditure, you will suffer for it. The best way to get that 'emotional rest'? Go outside, yes outside. I don't mean with your ipod, phone, tablet or computer but just be outside at least 30 minutes a day. Doing this simple thing will lower stress hormones in your body and help you reboot each day.

2.  Exposure to trauma of any kind changes us forever. It changes our outlook on the world, how we operate day-to-day, how we love, work, plan for the future, and care for others. So many people are walking around, having been exposed to some kind of trauma, never realizing that it has deeply affected them and the affects are playing out in their daily lives without them consciously realizing it.

3.  Everything you have ever experienced, every emotion, thought, and action are with you in this moment. You can't bring it all up to a conscious level (unless you have a photographic memory) but your past creates who you are right now. Now for the kicker...if you were to sit in a room of strangers and recite your past to them, all it would be to them is a litany of facts, nothing more. That is all any of our past is - just facts. What we do as humans is assign emotion to those past experiences. When we assign negative emotions we may find ourselves feeling shame or anxiety, experiencing stress or worry - all over something that may have been over with for years. You can stop that cycle by trying to clearly understand what the emotions are that you assigned to that past event and why. In doing this you might be able to stop that cycle of shame, stress, worry, or anxiety and replace those emotions. It isn't something that will happen over night but it can happen.

4.  Attitude, lifestyle, and profession are choices we make. So often we want to 'blame' someone or some event with how our lives are going. Fundamentally, we make a lot of choices each day that provide the construct of our lives. If you don't like how things are going, make different choices. If you keep choosing the same answer to the questions you pose to yourself, the same things will keep happening.

5.  The average person tells 4 lies a day, for a total of about 90,000 by the time s/he is 80. What is the most common lie we all tell? I'm fine. There are a million reasons we all tell that lie - that we are fine when we are not. But think about this, if this is a lie, and you are the only one that knows it is a lie, when you tell it, who are you trying to convince? You are trying to convince yourself...so you can keep pretending you are fine when you are not. In my 16 years of teaching self-care, I've discovered many folks are walking around burned out, on the edge, holding it together - just barely. Having no friends to confide in, they get up every day and pretend - rather than deal. A step in the right direction is to stop telling that lie. If you are not fine, don't say you are. Come up with a real, truthful answer that won't scare anyone. Be honest with yourself. I've discovered more people than not don't have a close friend they can depend on and want one. Reach out, extend kindness, seek out a like soul to share with, lean on and be the wall someone else can lean on.

Well, there you go, there are many other fundamentals but I'll stop at these five for now. Think about these things, how they apply to your life. Be honest with yourself. That is the first step in loving yourself, finding contentment and joy, and being able to extend kindness to others so you can deeply connect with them.

Bridge Pencils from CW Pencils

I love wood cased pencils. I much prefer them to mechanical pencils. There is something about how they feel in your hand and the act of sharpening them that is satisfying. I recently purchased a some bridge pencils from CW Pencil Enterprise online. 

The bridge pencils, as you can see are smaller than your standard pencil. They measure 6.25" long when new. They sharpen well, hold a sharp tip for a nice period of time and they erase cleanly. I had no problem sharpening them with the array of sharpeners I own.  The pencils are $1.60 each at CW Pencil. If you gravitate to the unusual or like tiny things try one out.  They are fun to use! CW Pencil shipped them carefully in a cardboard box with padding so they arrived intact. 

CW Pencil Enterprise has a LOT of pencils, sharpeners, erasers, notebooks and other writing accessories on their site as well. Their site is www.cwpencils.com. They have a blog as well that you can follow at http://cwpencils.com/blogs/news . Check them out. 

Boxed and shipped very thoughtfully

They sharpen easily with standard sharpeners 

Size comparison

49 Facebook Groups for Planner/Pen/Washi/Sticker Addicts

I am a member of quite a few Facebook groups and it dawned on me that many folks out there who are interested in planning/journaling may not know about all of them. This by no means an exhaustive list as I had to draw the line somewhere (there are hundreds of groups). If your group was left out of this list just post a link in the comments section.

These are, for the most part, closed groups - which means you need to join them to see all the content. Some of the groups are shops and are not closed, you just need to 'like' them to follow them.  Facebook groups are an excellent way to find out about resources, tricks, trades, swaps, RAK's, and new products that are out there. If you are a cottage business on Etsy or some other site, FB groups can be an excellent way to advertise your business. Grab a cup of coffee, pull up a chair and a look at the groups and see what you think. It is important to note that, with the exception of the first group (which is mine), the groups are listed in NO particular order.

1.   The first group is mine...it is all about inserts for traveler type notebooks.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/InsertsInsertsInsertsForTravelersNotebooks/

2.   This next group - Travelers Notebook Forum -  is about all things traveler notebook, this is a huge group with lots of resources and connections.  

https://www.facebook.com/groups/TravelersNotebookForum/

3.   This group is the Pacific Northwest Planners Group and is just that - a group for planners in the PNW.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/PNWPlanners/

4.   The Buy, Sell, Trade and In Search Of group is for doing those things with notebook covers, planner covers and binders. You will spend money on this group...I promise...it is dangerous to look.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/BSTandISO/

5.   The Bullet Journal Junkies group is one of my favorite. This is a sweet, kind group that gives a lot of latitude about what you can post. The group is specific to bullet journaling but has an amazing wealth of knowledge about all kinds of things.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/815967298418820/

6.   Taroko Shop is the Facebook group for the Taroko Shop itself. Steve Chang sells planner related items and digital downloads. He has a nice line of Hobonichi covers. Check out the group then go shop in his store.

https://www.facebook.com/tarokonote/

7.   The Stationary Supply Station group is pretty new and growing fast. This is an offshoot of the BST and ISO group and is for the supplies that feed the planner addictions we all have.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/StationerySupplyStation/

8.   The Marsia Bramucci Group is all about Marsia's fans and products. She has an Etsy shop. I am a customer of her's and currently have her calendars (monthly and weekly) in one of my covers. Her design aesthetic and customer service are amazing.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/MarsiaBramucciDesign/

9.   This group is the Hobonichi Buy, Sell and Swap group if you are a Hobo user.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/901953536498854/

10.  The Tiny TN group is dedicated to the smaller size covers. This is a really fun group especially if you like to carry a field note, passport or smaller size cover or use your cover as a wallet. The resources and inspiration on this group is great. The owner of this group, Eileen Kim, is someone who I admire and follow. She has talent and ideas that keep the group fresh.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/TINYTNs/

11.  Spiritual Journaling and Planning is a lovely group with a very peaceful vibe. If you want to tie your journaling in to some bigger perspective and deeper intent this is the place to go.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/584151638413908/

12.  Cheap Fountain Pen Thrills is just what the title says...all about fountain pens under twenty bucks.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/cheapfountainpenthrills/

13.  Need some art inspiration for your journaling activities? This group has ideas galore.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/theartjournal/

14.  Onica Hanby Studios group is about her art, products and for her fans. Onica is a PNW artist and does beautiful covers. She just opened a brand new online shop as well. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/520546974753387/+

15.  Lady Falcon TN group is for another amazing artist who creates custom leather covers from the Netherlands. I own one of her covers. She has a website and Etsy shop as well. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LadyFalconTN/

16.  Organize Your Soul is another group that I own. The group is for subscribers of this blog and for those who participate in my blog challenges and activities. 

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/OrganizeYourSoul/

17.  Jonel Fish is a group for Jonel. She does custom covers as well - has a huge, passionate fan base. She has recently been on hiatus but is coming back and her fans are very happy about that.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/jonelifish/

18.  Tweetie Pie Planner Parade is a group for the dashboards by the same name. Her stuff is original and pretty cute.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1540666192911831/

19.  Hobo Eye Candy is a source for inspiration and all about the Hobo planners.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/HoboEyeCandy/

20.  Travelers Notebook for Healthy Living is a group that is pretty self explanatory. If you want to integrate a diet, exercise plan or create a healthier lifestyle using your planner this is the group to join.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/TravelersNotebookForHealthyLiving/

21.  Growing Up Goddess is the group for the Etsy shop by the same name. I've bought Alexis's inserts and they are great. She has a HUGE selection. You can find links to her shop in the group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/GrowingUpGoddess/

22.  Midori Traveler's Notebook Resources is another huge group. This group is VERY specific to the Midori brand.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/132642456932203/

23.  My Foxy Fix is the fan group for the Foxy Fix brand leather cover. My very first cover was a Foxy and I still use it. She has branched out a bit. A link to her shop is on her group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/401187463379995/

24.  Hobonichi, Midori and Kawaii Style is a fan group for these three things. You will find inspiration and ideas here.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/756442537724408/

25.  Fans of May Design group is for those who are mad about these little books. Oprah made them famous and they have grown by leaps and bounds. I have a few myself and like them in my large cover. The books aren't super fountain pen friendly but are nice.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/590323554424402/

26.  Stick to Planning group is for stickers and washi. I think the mantra here could be: you can never have enough....this is a fun group and people are always posting stuff I've never seen before.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/StickToPlanning/

27.  Zencraft Travelers Notes is a group by Yochanan Israel. He is an artist that makes covers that are almost portable desks. I lust after these beautiful creations...maybe one day I'll own one.  Links to buying his covers are posted in the group. His group, nicely, is not just for his creations but all things TN.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/759275827454157/

28.  The Bag and Accessories Eye Candy/BST group is for things related to planners, you can buy, sell, trade and just gawk at cool stuff for planner addicts.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1551235708486776/

29.  The MTN Journal Page is a group for journaling in your notebook and inspiration to do such....

https://www.facebook.com/groups/253476548175690/

30.  The PlannerCon group is all about the planning and info for a planner convention. Want to help out? This is a place to connect with planners of the convention and get more details about it. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/plannercon/

31.  Fitness Planner Buddies is another health related group for those integrating a healthy lifestyle in with planning.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1567685286817267/

32.  Hobonichi Users is exactly what it says...a group for those who use the Japanese planner book.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/464701570325641/

33.  Traveler's Notebook Art Journaling - again a pretty self explanatory name for creative types who want to put more art in to the journaling process.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/838856019524156/

34.  A5/US Half Size Traveler's Notebook group is for folks using the biggest cover for their planning/journaling needs. I like this size and find it very versatile but it can be cumbersome to lug around if you stuff your cover full.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1668615526759032/

35.  Traveler's Notebook Supply Swap is for members to swap stuff related to the TN world.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/610825585712257/

36.  Stuff your TN to the gills? This group - Stuffed TN - is for you.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/stuffedTN/

37.  Bullet Journal in a Traveler's Notebook group is for BuJo fans who use TN's and not just a book or journal to bujo.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/948310475245238/

38.  The UK MTN Group is all about resources for those who use the Midori system and live in the UK.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/457515737729000/

39.  TN Swap and RAK is for swapping and RAK'ing (random acts of kindness) TN related stuff.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/TNswapandrak/

40.  Australians Love Traveler's Notebooks is a group for TN loving Aussies.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/691734677622192/

41.  Filofax Users is for those who love the iconic ring bound system that is a staple in the planner world.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/filofaxusers/

42.  Filofax and Pens For Sale Site is a buy and sell group for filos and pens...

https://www.facebook.com/groups/349650158469624/

43.  Filofax, Kikki K, and Others Group is for ring bound fans looking for connection and inspiration.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/620413478055924/

44. Erin Condren Fans is a group for fans of the spiral bound planner system. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/312661995562381/

45.  Erin Condren Sticker Junkies - if you are familiar with the ECP system, her weeks are broken down in to blocks on the page of a very specific size. A whole industry has arisen that caters to that size block and the ECP sticker rage was born...

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1462957327355587/

46. JetPens fans of which I am one, has a group. JetPens provides sneek peeks of up coming products, does giveaways and contests and fans can connect with each other. If you like pens, pencils, office supplies, this group will connect you with your dealer.

https://www.facebook.com/JetPens/

47.  Next is the TN With Jen group. This is Jennifer Faber's group dedicated to her shop and services she offers start up businesses looking for advice and guidance in setting up their online shops. Check it out!

https://www.facebook.com/TNwithJen/

48.  Traveler Notebook Times is a group from the website of the same name.  I can confess that it was Steve including me in his weekly emails that helped my blog gain traction and get noticed. I am forever grateful to him for that. If you want to know what is going on in the world of TN's like his group, and subscribe to his blog. When I get his emails, I grab a cup of coffee, pull up my chair and dive in to the crazy wealth of resources in a concise, neat list.

https://www.facebook.com/travellersnotebooktimes/

49.  Last but not least is a new group of mine called The Planner Social Club. We are a bunch of people who love planning, planners, life, struggles, triumphs and this is a place to share anything with other like-minded planner addicts...being nice is the only requirement to join :-).

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ThePlannerSocialClub/

Recipe for a Happy Life

Many years ago, I wrote down my own 'rules' for a happy life. When I wrote these down, I tried to be as realistic as possible. I was looking through my old commonplace book the other day and found the original rules and thought I would share what I wrote with everyone. Here they are:

1.  Gratitude every day, whenever you think to say thank you - say it!

2.  Write every day in your book. Record the weather if you have nothing to say. Be consistent, it will become a habit and will ground you in rocky times. (Back then this referred to my commonplace book, now it's my TN)

3. Tell people you love that you love them. You never know when it will be the last time you get to.

4. Believe good things will happen. What you put out in the universe comes back to you.

5.  Be outside as often as you can. It's healing, connects you to the earth and to the bigger picture of the world around you.

6.  No processed food...no fast food...they are simply chemical shitstorms and don't nourish you.

7.  Only eat when you are hungry.

8.  Don't eat after 7pm, your body needs fasting/down time over night.

9.  Stop eating when you are full - that's easy lol.

10. Move every day. 

11. Share your knowledge and gifts with others. You weren't put on this earth to be an island but to connect with other souls.

12. Be kind, it's free and you don't know anyone else's struggle in life. It's easy to judge on appearances but those will fool you, just be nice.

13. Lastly, smile when you least feel like it. Only you can create your happiness.